Two years ago I wrote a short blog on the subject. The subject continues to occupy a significant amount of space in my thinking. Why? Perhaps, it has to do with the worldwide crisis. Perhaps, I see one too many cases where lack of it contributed to unnecessary meandering or resulted in getting stuck in a sort of circumstances cul de sac. The driving force for pushing this subject further is fueled by my helpful intentions.
In my earlier blog, I did not offer an how to solution. This time I will try. Hopefully with better results. In the early years of my OD practice, I facilitated 3-day residential career development workshops for upcoming executives every 6-7 weeks. After 10 such workshops, I noticed a glaring hole in my approach. I was helping these executives to focus on an important, albeit, incomplete part of their life. To remedy this, I expanded the workshop design by one day. On the fourth day, I asked participants to invite their spouses or significant others to join our laboratory for the purpose of sharing the work product and getting understanding and support from the so-called better half.
I was not prepared for what transpired. Although successful and upcoming, the majority of the participants had a darker and hidden side. Their spouses/partners were isolated and to a certain extent despondent. Much alcohol and drug abuse came to the surface. Complaints centered around the inability to communicate and, in some cases, sheer avoidance to discuss important life impacting choices. The often repeated rationalization centered around the fact that the great majority of these upcoming executives were engineers, and the inane excuse was that engineers are not necessarily good at the soft part of the human interaction process.
During the past 40 years, I have coached and counseled many executives. I have been most helpful when I have been instrumental in expanding the discussion from career matters to life matters, where I have convinced my clients of the importance to bring their spouses/significant others into this critical and often ignored conversation. It is much more productive focusing on our whole life than honing any of its components. After all, the parts have to fit together!
In my earlier blog, I did not offer an how to solution. This time I will try. Hopefully with better results. In the early years of my OD practice, I facilitated 3-day residential career development workshops for upcoming executives every 6-7 weeks. After 10 such workshops, I noticed a glaring hole in my approach. I was helping these executives to focus on an important, albeit, incomplete part of their life. To remedy this, I expanded the workshop design by one day. On the fourth day, I asked participants to invite their spouses or significant others to join our laboratory for the purpose of sharing the work product and getting understanding and support from the so-called better half.
I was not prepared for what transpired. Although successful and upcoming, the majority of the participants had a darker and hidden side. Their spouses/partners were isolated and to a certain extent despondent. Much alcohol and drug abuse came to the surface. Complaints centered around the inability to communicate and, in some cases, sheer avoidance to discuss important life impacting choices. The often repeated rationalization centered around the fact that the great majority of these upcoming executives were engineers, and the inane excuse was that engineers are not necessarily good at the soft part of the human interaction process.
During the past 40 years, I have coached and counseled many executives. I have been most helpful when I have been instrumental in expanding the discussion from career matters to life matters, where I have convinced my clients of the importance to bring their spouses/significant others into this critical and often ignored conversation. It is much more productive focusing on our whole life than honing any of its components. After all, the parts have to fit together!
Wisdom from Yogi Berra
For those who do not know who Yogi Berra is, a quick introduction might help. Yogi was a well known New York Yanks professional baseball player during the 40's and 50's. He was known, not just for his great athletic achievements, but also for his convoluted way of speaking. It is the latter that has made him an icon ... to the delight of those who often invoke his name.
My favorite quote from Yogi, commenting on the importance of planning is: "If you do not know where you are going, you are bound to get there!" That is exactly the message from this blog. If you do not engage in life planning, you are bound to find yourself a ship without a rudder.
THE MISSING LINK
From our early years, we are encouraged to plan our academic journey, to select a path that might lead us to a satisfying and rewarding career. In college, we are exhorted to start our career planning by charting development actions we need to implement during our professional journey so that we might achieve satisfying and rewarding career milestones. Later on, we are encouraged to start planning for our future financial needs. So planning is not a new activity for us. It is something we have been taught to do since early childhood.
The lesson learned from planning is that what is important is not the plan itself, but the planning process -- the rumination that sorts and illuminates our thinking. The latter is more fluid and more apt to change, and fine tuning; the latter, unchecked, has the ability to turn itself into a straight jacket that can crimp our styles and regiment our lives beyond the desirable.
It is my strong belief that life planning is a missing link.
The late Steven Covey encouraged us to "... always start with the end in mind." That is precisely my point. Career plans must be directed toward a higher goal than just trying to climb the career ladder; they have to have a rationale behind. Financial planning also must meet some need beyond a monetary measure. After all, financial security can be (although it is not always) a means toward a better life.
The late Steven Covey encouraged us to "... always start with the end in mind." That is precisely my point. Career plans must be directed toward a higher goal than just trying to climb the career ladder; they have to have a rationale behind. Financial planning also must meet some need beyond a monetary measure. After all, financial security can be (although it is not always) a means toward a better life.
The sweet spot, in my thinking, rests on the three planning activities linked together to form a whole integrated plan -- our life plan. The three parts not only must support one another, but to a certain degree relate to one another.
HOW DO YOU DO IT?
Like all other forms of planning, it starts with a vision of the "end in mind". Here are some data collection questions that might help the construction of your personal mosaic. There are no right or wrong answers per se, but the answers must fit and support the overall plan.
1. What is the most desirable state for you? What are the values that drive your actions? What are your priorities, and how are they established? Money, status, health, desire to help others, family, etc.? Can you answer these critical questions in one to two pages?
2. Can you describe in one to two pages the ideal day in your life? What is going on? Where are you? Who are you with? What are you doing? How are you feeling?
3. Can you write in one or two paragraphs your own epitaph? What do you want to be remember for? What do you want people to say about you after your demise? What others will miss most after you have signed off? Who would you ask to deliver your epitaph at your funeral? Why did you select that person?
4. Can you rank order the top 3 priorities in your life? Choose from the following but feel free to add to the list, if you wish: family, leisure time, health, financial security, travel, philanthropy, location, religion ....
5. What are your gifts, talents, and skill set? Brag about yourself! No one is looking over your shoulder, except yourself.
This whole process might take one to two days, spread over several weeks. By answering diligently and sincerely the questions I suggest above, you will complete your data collection steps. Now you need to go to the next step. So what? What does all this mean to you? What do you wish to take away from the process?
Now, you have the opportunity to translate these data points into something more specific about your life. You can define more clearly your own success criteria. For example. If you peruse your ideal day and circle those things that you don't already have, you will have isolated those life goals that are implicit or hidden. If you examine your epitaph, you will also identify things that are very dear to you, things that give meaning to your life. If you review your list of gifts, talents, and skills, you will realize what your core capability is and hopefully stick with what you are best at rather than wandering into problematic areas.
You can now determine who else should be involved in your planning process e.g., your spouse, partner, children, friends, etc. Children, depending on their age, can contribute to certain elements, such as to where they would like to live and why.
By now, you should be clearer about the criteria you need to use when making important life choices, because you have examined in depth your end in mind.
During the process, you might be overwhelmed by all the data in front of you. This is normal! Take it easy! Take your time! Ponder it! Distill it! Put it to good use!
CLOSING
I was first exposed to life planning one cold February 42 years ago by a trusted professor. At first I approached it skeptically, not being convinced that we can actually plan our lives, aware that too many variables are outside our control, and that being at the right time and at the right place was what counted. Then, I realized that I might want to have a role in picking the right time and the right place.
Soon I began to make decisions with more confidence. Three years later I engaged my wife in the process by suggesting we do a life plan together. At first, Cassandra was not sure about it and asked what was the catch, but she was willing to try it. At one point, we asked our daughter Thalia to tell us where she would like to live. We were living in Minnesota at that time. She was 12 years old! She readily admitted that she wanted to return to Palo Alto, California because her maternal grandparents lived there.
I was anxious to leave Control Data and I had opportunities in Michigan, Baltimore and Belgium. We chose instead to return to Palo Alto because of Thalia's want. There I started my first consulting company. Although I had never done independent consulting work, I was optimistic about my chances for succeed because I was making an informed decision. The plan gave me the confidence I needed to enter an unknown field as an unknown.
Every year since then, around Christmas, Cassandra and I review our summary plan by answering a simple question: How is it going? The answer to this question guides us toward some adjustments. We do not always agree on what and when to make these adjustments but we have a framework to work through the issues.
I still have my struggles, my challenges, and my blind-sposts. I know now how to reset my confidence button, by going back to the fundamental life planning questions.
Life planning is not a panacea, just a means to an end ... you define what that is!
Life planning is not a panacea, just a means to an end ... you define what that is!
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